I remember Mama in a happy way
This picture was taken at Orlando West High School in 1988 where I was receiving the award for highest matric pass mark. In the picture with me are my grandmother MaNyandi, my dad Bhoyi Buthelezi and my mother Esther Buthelezi.
To her parents she assumed the role of the boy they never had. She was there for and with her mother, MaNnyadi, during the difficult times of her father Mohuli Moteka’s sickness until his death, after he had spent time in a coma due to brain surgery.
A picture of my grandfather.
Mohuli Moteka, a mineworker, got injured underground, under the belly of the Earth, and had to undergo surgery without any anaesthetic. That injury that left him limping, crippled, and he was laid off without a cent because of these injuries.
To support his family he had to sell tripe and chicken, and mend shoes, while his dear wife, our Gogo MaNnyadi, helped by selling brewed pineapple beer. This was at the “shelters” in Orlando West following the land invasion led by the legendary Sofasonke Mpanza.
Mme was also there for her widowed mother during times of poverty, when the Moteka family took everything from them, including what was left of her father’s shoe-mending business and all that was left of the household money. It was during this time that she became, for her mother, the epitome of hope, strength and a reason to live.
She was still a teenager when she took on this big responsibility, and showed love and respect to her mother until her mother’s last day.
She moved from one job to another, starting at a jam factory, moving to sweet factory and then finding herself better employment at the Edgars group, where she moved up the ranks to salesperson. At the time of her retirement in 1992, she was a senior sales supervisor at Sales House.
Pillar of strength
To her sister, Adinah Nthola Moteka, she was everything. Not only was she a sister, she was a pillar of strength and a solution to all her problems. Adinah (our beloved Mamkhulu) trusted Mme with all her children while employed as a domestic worker in the northern suburbs of Johannesburg.
My mom’s sister, Adinah Moteka.
Mme was a loving wife, friend and partner in everything to her loving husband.
To her children, she was a mother, a friend, an adviser, a teacher and a protector. She ensured that her children enjoyed what she never had the opportunity to enjoy herself. She provided a good life for us; she taught us love and to trust each other; and she taught us to be friends to each other.
She ensured that our home was a home of love, laughter, joy, peace and happiness. She was always loving, and we could always rely on her word, all the time.
She trusted my opinions and my motives – always.
She never disappointed me, not even once !!!
My mom – her usual jolly self.
Sacrifice
Mme was a woman who knew and understood the word “sacrifice”. She made certain that we were well provided for. While we were at boarding school, she ensured we had all we needed to survive – during her lunch break, she would walk from Fordsburg to Fraser Street, carrying big boxes of canned food on her head.
She was a woman who understood fashion. This was evident in how well she dressed us. She was never well dressed herself, yet took pride and joy in seeing us having it all. Working in a fashion environment, trends did not bother her – she believed in simplicity.
Mme, among many other things, provided us with a comfortable home; ours was a simple yet stylish home.
Mandarin character for kindness – which describes my mother.
Mme was decisive and was a catalyst. When she set her mind to something, she ended up doing it, even if this went against other people’s advice. This was evident in 1974 when she took the decision to stop using coal in favour of gas appliances, against advice at the time – through lack of knowledge – that this was dangerous
In this regard she placed full trust in us, showing us how to use the gas appliances and instructing us about the safety measures. This was proof to us of how much trust she had in us. At the time, the eldest of us was 10, the youngest four. And not once did we encounter any accident or mishap.
Solution to problems
To our extended family and those close to us, she was a solution to all their problems – as evidenced when our home became a home to three other families, excluding our broad family. Our home also provided a shelter to various other people at different times (some of them at the same time): Rev. Mbatha; Bab’ Dube; Bab’omncane Tini; Lungisani; Tubatsi; Lebakae; Ronnie; Joshua; Ntokozo, etc.
Our mother had so many different attributes. Most evident of these were her love, kindness, strength, and her sense of humour, which surpassed them all. When one thinks Mme, one can still hear the echo of her laughter, and see her bright, broad and beautiful smile that came from deep within. Her naughtiness and playfulness still bring a smile to our faces when we think of her.
Her beauty was not only on the outside, but also came from within.
This woman was and will remain our Beautiful Mother.
Samukelo (my brother, 20 years old at the time of Mme’s death) says: “I never thought it was going to be possible going through life without her – just thinking about her absence still shocks me. I really miss her a lot; it’s not every child who gets an opportunity to have parents like we had. I thank God for loving us so much."
Gugu (my niece, 13 years old at the time of Mme’s death) says: “It still hurts how much I miss you Magogo. Sometimes there are sombre days where I find myself just thinking about you, and it hurts; but there are also days where joy fills me up and I feel you with me. They say time heals all wounds, so I guess that means that I am still healing.
“It’s amazing how much I still think of you Magogo, the memories, but most of it is curiosity. I wonder what you would think of me today, what I've become. Have I made you proud? Do I live up to your expectations? [Gugu is a student of architecture at the Cape Peninsula University.] So many questions unanswered …
“I miss you Magogo. I am who I am because of you. Every victory won, every challenge faced. It is because of you that I know never to give up; come hell or high water, I must fight on. To give, to laugh, to love and to pray. And even though I cannot say it to you in person, I am grateful that I was raised by such a remarkable woman.
A drawing of my mom by my niece, Gugu. This was the picture used for the obituary at my mom’s funeral.
“I miss you Magogo. My gogo. And I thank you, I thank you most for the wonderful family we have today. Even though I got to know you only for a short 13 years, I am grateful that I got the chance to.
"I envy those who knew you longer than I, but my heart also aches for the younger ones who will never get the chance to.
“I love and miss you Magogo.”
We miss her always … Mme passed away on the 18th of October 2005.
May Her Soul Rest In Peace!!!